Recent Posts

Plans.

It’s time to make some changes around here. I’m not sure if these are true resolutions, in the “New Years” sense, because I have been moving towards them for a while now. Regardless, my culture does this silly little thing every new year and I […]

How many people can you fit into one person? No, this is not a theological debate on the trinity.

Who I am today is not necessarily who I will be tomorrow. You really ought to just get used to that. Granted, the intrinsic basics of my character and personality may not change quite that swiftly, but know this: if anyone has met me in […]

A prayer.

Jesus,

I broke.

Fix?

-Me

I’m coming to get you. Sincerely, SAD

I don’t entirely know what’s wrong with me. Lately, I’m either sad or glad, and for a while the sad has been coming around a bit too much, as a clingy boyfriend slowly destroying his relationship might. I am a generally happy person, or so […]

Insanity.

My sister is getting married today. Excuse me? She’s not old enough to get married! Or perhaps I’m just not old enough to have a sibling getting married. I’m only seven years old, and she’s only eleven. At this age, it thrills me that our […]

My first serious post. Shocker.

What I tell myself is that I am content being single. And oddly enough, this is true. Am I content to not have a significant other? Not precisely. I am simply content with singularity. Please don’t attempt to convince me there’s an inherent contradiction in this, because I am aware of its presence.

I merely know that somehow, both statements are true. I miss the loveliness that is being in a relationship, being somebody’s someone. However, in my current state I am only my own person. Any attempts to further explain this result in what sounds like an attempt to convince someone, perhaps myself, but that does not make it any less true.

It is not that I find advantages to being single and enjoy those advantages. No, if it comes to that, a relationship trumps.

Rather, I know that being single is exactly where I need to be right now. I am on an incomprehensible journey to figure out who Jenna Pirrie is again. I think I had an answer to that, at some point, maybe before I graduated. College changed everything, and while I am insanely grateful for that, I still haven’t figured out who I became in that transition.

Where is the reputation of intelligence I once held? Nowadays, I far too often allow my offhand, hyperactive, facetious side take over in conversations. Passion for anything failed me for a while there, and motivation simply dumped me and left for another girl. You could use this moment as an example, when I should be doing homework, but alternatively I see writing here to be just as imperative for this journey I’m talking about as keeping up with my workload.

So if I’m trying to figure myself out, is it possible that being single is the best state to maintain? That is quite exactly what I’m thinking. Maybe I could do that just as well in a romantic relationship, but maybe not. This journey is personal, despite the help close friends have given me. Thank you, by the way. But yes, perhaps the matter are not as directly related as I suppose.

Relationships are complicated things. I am quite willing to attempt this sort of complicated thing given, well, the right man, but why strive to add complications to an already complicated state of mind?

Do I sound like I am trying to convince myself of the merits of being single? Perhaps. The fact remains: I am working through this incredible process, and the stress of a crush – of wondering, and feeling insecure in whether or not that person knows, doesn’t know, cares, or doesn’t care – is silly, and really only endangers a friendship, if one was preexisting.

As a woman who would prefer to be pursued by a man she’s attracted to, rather than pursuing him, I have come to realize that being content with my current Facebook relationship is, for me, a choice I make, not a state of mind that just happens. I choose to enjoy this chapter in my life, for I must. I must, because in doing so, I will have jumped one more hurdle in my path to becoming who I want to be.

And now, I have a confession. It is incredibly late, or at least it feels as if it is. I have not gotten adequate sleep, and this topic is simply one that was on my mind and needed escape. I am not even certain that it coherently expresses my thoughts, but at least I attempted. Hopefully, no young man will assume from this that I am choosing a life of spinsterhood and wish to be left alone – exactly the opposite. In reality I battle the inherent need to love and be loved, and lately my beautifully platonic relationships leave me wanting. I simply don’t want to be left wanting – I want to feel complete no matter if I remain single or not. I desire confidence in who I am, not who others view me to be, and not in who I think others view me to be. But in me – a lovely creation of an intelligent Artist who made me the way I am for some incomprehensible reason – a reason I want to discover.

But like all journeys, this one will be made a tad sweeter if embarked upon well rested. And with that, I bid you adieu.

I let my roommate choose my topics tonight.

Drugs are bad, kids. Or are they really? I mean, come on, I have a shoebox full of drugs on the shelf above me now. I carry a small candy tin of drugs on bad days. My roommate has drugs that keep her focused. And […]

You beckon, and you call; I’ll just ignore you.

I don’t like being at your beck and call. Yes, you. And by you, I mean everyone. Everyone, and everyone’s mother. Yes Eve, I’m talking about you. I’m becoming more and more like my father, who says that if you call him and he doesn’t […]

Sometimes ridiculous things do happen.

Write a second blog within 24 hours of my first? That’s been unheard of since… since… since I used to actually keep a regularly updated blog.

Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

So ridiculous, I’m considering calling it a night and quitting now.

But I’m not a quitter! A serial procrastinator, yes, a good one at that. But a quitter? Oh, never. At least not today. And by today, I mean the two hours of today that have actually passed. I may have to become a quitter later in the day, if my attention span cannot manage something.

Does it count as quitting if I don’t even realize I have quit something? For example, I’ll be at work, separating paper doilies, and all of a sudden, I’m rearranging bagels, and never go back to the doilies.

Actually, bad example, because I’ve taken a weird liking to separating doilies. We need about 10 a night for the next day’s display, and I normally do about 30. I prefer that to actually putting them out at the end of the night, because I can never get the hang of the bakery schematic before either I switch to a different store (Florida vs. Chicago) or they change it, like they did last week.

To be honest, I prefer the store in Florida. We keep things in places that make sense there. Here, our storage is all amok.

I really like decent storage. I could talk about the storage in my room… but I think I made my point about my attention span by now.

So is it really quitting if my bored subconscious is to blame? I say no. And to be  honest, I’m getting this crazy feeling from my subconscious right now that boredom is setting in, and any moment now I might get distracted and start doing something else. However, it would be way too cheesy for me to demonstrate by just breaking off the senten

Dear Diary,

Have I told you yet about this boy? He’s… Oh, wait. Wrong blog. I have several blogs out there, blowing around the blogosphere. There’s my Xanga, a world its own, the link to which I give out sparingly. It’s not private, but I keep it […]